I'm tired. Tired of the lies I'm told, and the lies I tell myself. Lies I choose to believe. So I can feel like I can sleep well at night.
It doesn't matter which side of any issue I'm on, any organization I consider myself a member of, or the personal opinions I have. There's "always those people" that I'm told are fighting for the opposite of what I should be fighting for, and I should be fighting against them. "They" have ruined "everything" and I should fear "them". I should hate the "them" that's not "us". I'm tired of it.
I work a job to keep a roof over my family's head and food in our bellies. I keep my head down and do what I should to keep from rocking the boat and risky my family's future and my job. A future that can be taken away threw no fault of my own. A job that will end with a layoff at some point. A layoff to sacrifice my job so some people making many times what I do can keep their jobs and so some nameless investors can see the numbers and graphs they need so they can afford another multi-million dollar home and invest in more companies they no nothing about. I'm tired of it.
But I like my job. I'm making great progress in my career. When I get that promotion, I'll be rewarded with more money, more benefits, an much better life. I'll finally be able to pay off all the debt and buy all those things for my family and myself that will make all the hard work worth it. I'm tired of it.
I'm shown there's nothing I can do. Nothing any of us can do. We need richer and more powerful people to solve these problems. If I want to help I need just to like this, share that, watch this, donate to that, subscribe to this, join this platform, protest these things, sign this petition.... all to make a change. A change that never comes. I need to vote this way or that so better people can solve everything. I'm tired of it.
It's lies. All of it is lies and I know it. I feed on the lies I'm given. I turn it into an animosity and anxiety like I'm told to do. Animosity toward "them". Animosity toward the other. Animosity toward myself. Anxiety about my friends and family. Anxiety about the future. Anxiety about MY future. Since there's nothing I can do about anything, I follow the pack, like everyone else. I buy what happy people buy. I think what the happy people think. So I can be happy too. But, I'm not. I'm tired of it.
Maybe, I'm tired of feeling completely powerless. Tired of giving my money to people who ultimately spend time it against me. Tired of giving other people power over me. People who ultimatly don't care about me. I'm tired of feeding on the lies so my "betters" can feed on me. I'm tired of getting in my own way. I'm finally tired of being tired.
I don't need to follow along with what I'm shown. Those other people aren't happier than I am. No one can buy their way into happiness. Maybe I can take back my hope. Maybe I can see if the world feels the presence of my absence. At least for a short time.
On May 8th, 9th, and 10th, I'm tuning out.
I intend to spend this in an experiment. An experiment in shutting it all off. Disconnecting from the feeds. Spinning down the wheel. Stepping out of the machinery.
I don't think I have any illusions about this. I can't change anything. I don't have control of anything. Not even myself. Upending my life isn't going to help anyone. I'm not going to make an impact. My lack of interaction wont show up on any spreadsheets or graphs at some board meeting. The media companies wont miss me even slightly. The economy wont even register my absence. The powers that be, who care only about my output, wont see the slightest difference in their wealth. I have been, and always will be nobody. When I return to the machinery it will operate just as it always has. No one will notice.
Hopefully, I will notice. Notice a reduction in anamosity and anxiety. Notice that I don't have to follow. Notice the control and power I do have. Notice MY presence. Notice my happiness. Notice that I am. Notice who I am.
I may not have illusions about this. But, I do have hope. Hope that I am not alone in feeling this way. Hope that other people will join me. Hope that enough people will join me in this experiment to make some sort of impact. Hope that maybe together we can show up on their graphs. Hope that the presence of our absence could make a difference. We've tried filling the streets so many times. Let's try emptying them.
Memento viver, - Vivus Cadaver
PS: There is no organization behind this. There is no movement here. Nothing to signup for. No money to raise, social media account to follow. No request to contact any representative in any government. No copy/paste message to post or designated hashtag. No person to rally around. Nothing beyond this message. If you feel the same way I do, are willing to join me in my experiment, and think you know some people that might want to do the same, remember what you were told when you were younger. Use your words. Use your voice. Use your mind.